


in memory of

by RedQwyll



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24360934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedQwyll/pseuds/RedQwyll
Summary: A short memoir of the Sannin from the eyes of one of their own.
Relationships: Jiraiya/Orochimaru/Tsunade (Naruto)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15
Collections: Exchange no Jutsu 2020





	in memory of

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mirdbird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mirdbird/gifts).



The Sannin had always meant a lot to Jiraiya.

Their team had a number once, before they were known as the Sannin. At some point, though, people just started referring to them as Team Hiruzen. Not much of a surprise there, considering he was the Hokage. 

Still,  _ Sannin _ was a step  –  up from Team Hiruzen, in his opinion. 

Even if it did just mean ‘three people’. 

Jiraiya didn’t care much about the name or number of his team. He didn’t care much what people called them, although having a unique name as opposed to, say, ‘Team 7’ certainly made him feel like he was part of something special. Being taught by the Hokage was also considered pretty up there on the list of specials. But being the Sannin  –  it was something he, Tsunade, and Orochimaru had forged themselves. He didn’t care much about the special title. He cared about the people.

He cared about those who saw him through his worst times and about those he saw through their worst times. About the ups, like spying on Tsunade at the hot springs, and the downs, like the subsequent month in the hospital. He cared about the arguments he had with Tsunade over appropriate battle etiquette for medic nin, which boiled down to  _ stay safe _ (which he’d ultimately lost when she developed her damned Creation Rebirth). He cared about the disagreements he had with Orochimaru regarding the versatility of fuuinjutsu over ninjutsu (they  _ both _ lost that one, again to Tsunade. Her medical seals were crazy genius). 

Jiraiya smiled.

The day they’d passed the bell test, they’d sworn  – for the first time, as a team  – that they would overcome any obstacles in their path. Tsunade and Orochimaru had then turned down his suggestion of a team dinner, but the foundations that simple oath laid would reverberate through the countless missions they took. It would ring in their souls in the years that followed, from their first mission up to their survival at Hanzo’s hands. 

Then everything fell apart.

* * *

When Tsunade left, a part of him died. Jiraiya had wanted to convince her to stay. He’d wanted to so badly, but he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t bring himself to convince Tsunade to stay in a village that failed to acknowledge the full importance of medicine. He couldn’t bring himself to convince her to stay in a village that considered her teachings second rate to flashier ninjutsu. He couldn’t bring himself to convince her to just  _ stay _ in a village that reminded her  _ constantly _ of her late brother and her late lover.

But most of all… maybe he couldn’t bring himself to admit he wanted her there not just for her sake, but also for his. Because as goofy and brash as he was, he wasn’t selfish. And he knew that if the situation had been reversed and Jiraiya had lost all that was dear to him, Tsunade wouldn’t have forced him to stay. 

She would have let him go. 

And she would’ve waited  – perhaps not as a lover, because she had Dan  –  but she would have waited all the same, because they were  _ friends _ . 

She would have let him go, and she would have welcomed him with open arms when he was ready to return. 

So he watched her leave, Dan’s niece in hand, vowing to be there for when she returned. 

* * *

Another part of him died when Orochimaru left. He knew his teammate was morally dubious at best and would go down a questionable, controversial path if unchecked. He’d suspected for  _ weeks  _ that the kidnappings around the village were somehow tied to his teammate’s unquenchable thirst for knowledge. 

But he refused to believe it. 

He refused when Kakashi had turned up evidence directly linking the missing children to Orochimaru. He refused when Hiruzen had ordered Orochimaru be taken in. He just couldn’t believe that their late night musings about unearthing the secrets of chakra and its source would corrupt his teammate – his _friend_ – up until the point he saw Orochimaru flee past the village walls. 

He refused, even if Orochimaru had gone too far. 

He hadn’t wanted to believe it. Had wanted to look the other way. Had wanted to believe that his teammate was operating within the lines. Had wanted to believe that, while it wasn’t authorised, it was  _ forgivable. _

He’d wanted to believe what the naive boy in himself – not the hardened shinobi – did. He’d seen his best friend as a manifestation of the curiosity he himself exhibited, a scientist toiling away for hours in the lab, pitting his sharp wits against nature within the laboratory and against  _ Jiraiya _ without.

He hadn’t thought that the little boy in him would’ve had to grow up. That the little boy within Orochimaru already had. That who Orochimaru was was beyond saving. 

* * *

He had searched far and wide for his teammates, keeping tabs on them and always coming  _ so close _ to reaching out. But every time, he couldn’t. He just didn’t know what to say.

What  _ could  _ he say? 

Come back to Konoha? All is forgiven? Let things return to normal? 

Even if his teammates didn’t already have their own lives, he knew it was the innocent within him wanting to cling onto the past – the nights they spent stargazing, the days they toiled under Hiruzen’s merciless staff, the wars they drudged through and the legacies they made  _ together _ . 

_ He _ was clinging onto  _ them _ .

But  _ they’d _ already moved on.

Tsunade had found herself an apprentice, and possibly even the daughter she’d never had. She’d travelled the world. She’d settled on gambling her money, instead of her life. 

Orochimaru had found himself a following – a group of people who looked to his philosophy for guidance. It would eventually grow fanatical, coalescing into a village that would attack his home. But in those early days, it had made him proud that Orochimaru had found a place that accepted him. 

* * *

They all left the Leaf, and here he was, contemplating a future if they hadn’t, including himself.

And Jiraiya knew why. He, after all, also left konoha.

Even now, as he contemplated his failures – his failure to win Tsunade’s heart, his failure to stop Orochimaru from defecting, his failure to save Minato and Hiruzen – one fact stood out clearer than any other in his life. 

Naruto may have been his godson, and Minato more than just a student, but the Sannin were  _ family _ . 

And as he closed his eyes for the last time, a second fact stood out.

What their family had was no more. 


End file.
